HAVING MARITAL SUCCESS - PART # 4
"DOES ONE'S LOVE FOR ANOTHER EVER END?"
By: Pastor Rick Bickelhaupt

Increasingly, people say that they no longer love their mates. Our culture understands love to be primarily an emotional state that people fall into and out of; love is viewed as a self-gratifying emotion. A person is "in love" when the other person makes him (her) "feel" good. When that pleasing emotional feeling has gone, a person is no longer in "love".

Just how long does love last? Does one's love for another, especially one's mate, ever end? Viewing love from the world's perspective, "Love Dies". If love is understood in terms of emotional responses, it ends when the positive emotions ends. If one is angry enough toward his mate; if one has been deeply hurt by his mate, he may say, "I no longer love her" This understanding of love, coupled with the idea that this kind of love is the sole justification of marriage, explains the high incidence of divorce in our land. With this type of view, "Can Love Endure"? NO! If love is viewed as a mere reaction to an emotional response, LOVE IS DOOMED! But if love is understood primarily in terms of sacrifice, commitment and responsibility, it does not end when negative emotions are expressed in marriage.

Just what is love Biblically? What does the Bible say live is? To understand love properly one needs to understand the definition of the words that describe love. There are basically five words that describe love in the New Testament, but are translated into English as either "love" or "lust", they are as follows:

1). Phileo - This word has the idea of affection or brotherly love. It means to be a friend of someone. It involves sentiment and feeling.

2). Agape - This word also has the idea of affection; but more than that, it involves and act of the will. It is characterized by commitment and sacrifice. This is the word used to describe God's love. It is the word used in John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life" This type of love involves personal sacrifice. It is translated "charity" many times.

3). Pathos - This word is mentioned in I Thess. 4:5 and means a strong passion (especially concupiscence):, (inordinate) affection. It is translated "lust"

4). Orexis - This word is found in Rom. 1:27, and is also translated lust. It means to have "excitement of mind, i.e. longing after: - lust

5). Epithumia - This seems to be the most common of the words translated lust in the New Testament. It means "a longing (especially for what is forbidden), concupiscence, desire, lust (after).

The last three words used are what the world defines as love. It is what the Bible describes as "LUST". Lust is that type of worldly love that is based upon reaction of emotional response. If couples base their relationships souls upon this type of love, failure is inevitable.

God's love is best described by the word Agape. This is the Greek word used for love in I Cor. 13: 4-8. This "Love Chapter" of the Bible shows the qualities of God's love. We readily see how this kind of love makes a fulfilling, successful and godly marriage. Please note the following qualities listed in I Cor. 13:4-8.

1). Love is Patient - 1 Cor. 13:4 "Charity suffereth long,"
2). Love is Kind - "To show one's self useful, i.e. act benevolently ,i.e., to build up and not tear down.
3). Love does not Envy - Love does not resent success or superior qualities in others.
4). Love does not Boast - "charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up" True love does not blow itself out of proportion, in order to make one's self look better.
5). Love is not Rude - 1 Cor. 13:5 "Doth not behave itself unseemly,"
6). Love is not Self-seeking - "Seeketh not her own"
7). Love is not Easily Angered "Is not easily provoked"
8). Love Keeps no records of Wrongs "Thinketh no evil"
9). Love does not delight in Evil I Cor. 13:6 - "Rejoiceth not in iniquity"
10). Love rejoices in the Truth "but rejoiceth in the truth"
11. Love Protects, Trusts, Hopes and Always Perseveres 1 Cor. 13:7 "Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."
12. Love Never Fails - I Cor 13:8 - "Charity never faileth" God's love does not lead to the divorce court. It never fails.

Certainly if a marriage is to survive, Agape' love needs to be present. But just how does one obtain this Agape' love? Is God's love for everyone? Yes, but it needs to be received. God's love is not natural to man. I John 4:7-12 tells us several important things about God's love. First, Agape love comes from God 1 John 4:7

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God."

Secondly, I Cor. 13:4-8 should characterize the lives of those who have been born of God. The Bible says that everyone who loves habitually is born of God. Only those who have been born of God may consistently express this love of God. Thirdly, Whoever does not habitually love as described in I Cor. 13 does not know God (I Jn. 4:8). "To know" means to have a personal relationship with someone. If one's pattern of life does not express God's love (I Cor. 13), that person does not have a saving, personal relationship with God. Such a one may be a baptized church member, but he does not "know" God in the sense of having a personal relationship with Him. Fourth, We need to understand the means of Agape' love. God loves us (I Jn. 4:9). Jesus Christ came into the world to give us eternal life. See John 3:16. He also came into the world to give us an abundant life. See John 10:10. The person who has both a full life and an eternal life is going to be at peace and is going to be a good mate. This life that Jesus Christ gives is evidenced by the kind of love described in I Cor. 13. Fifthly, we need to understand the great example of Agape' love. God's love is so great that He loved us even when we did not love Him (I John 4:10). He proved His love toward us in that He sent His Son "as an atoning sacrifice for our sins" (to be the propitiation for our sins"). In the Old Testament under the Mosaic Law the repentant transgressor placed his hands on the head of the sacrificial animal to symbolically transfer his sin to the one to be offered for atonement. By faith we receive forgiveness through the atonement made for us by Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God Who takes away the sin of the world. Sixth, we need to see the need for Agape' love in our lives. The Bible teaches that everyone has sinned - Rom. 3:23. The Bible teaches that sin has a penalty, which is death and hell, Rom. 6:23; Rev. 20:14-15. Next, the Bible tells us Jesus Christ paid the penalty for our sins (Rom. 5:8-9; Isa. 53:4-6. Lastly, we need to understand that we can have power for showing Agape' love. When a person trusts Jesus Christ, not only does God forgive their sin, but that person receives eternal live and an abundant life. He also receives the Holy Spirit of God, Who produces Agape' love in the heart of the believer, (Gal. 5:22). God loved us sacrificially, and so we are to love others in this way, especially our mates and children. Upon trusting Christ and by walking in the Spirit we will love with the love described in I Cor. 13. Also see I John. 4:11. This is what our marriages need, this is what God intends marriage and family life to be, a fellowship of love in the bond of Jesus Christ. This kind of love proves God lives in us. (I John 4:12). For God to bless marriage or anything at all, it must be in Christ. Everything abiding and worthwhile is found in Him - live, love, goodness, joy, peace, patience, all personal qualities to be treasured. Do you know Him? Do you have a personal relationship with Him? Have you ever trusted Him once and for all as your personal Savior? If not, why not trust Christ today? You'll be eternally glad you did.

Pastor Rick Bickelhaupt