HAVING MARITAL SUCCESS
PART # 1
by: Pastor Rick Bickelhaupt

Recently I heard Paul Harvey on the radio tell about a couple that were married for 77 years. Now most anyone would say that was a successful marriage, and I'm sure it was. However we need to realize that marriage is based upon more than just the number of years that have been accomplished. I heard of a couple that lived in the area that I was raised that had divorced after almost 50 years. When he was asked why he threw in the towel after so many years his reply was "I'm tired of being miserable, I should have done it years ago". How sad!!!

Many marriages that have endured through the years in all actuality are not "Successful Marriages" Many husbands and wives are discontent, and unhappy. And because of their disgruntle attitude marriages are breaking up. I guess we need to ask the question, "Why are so many marriages breaking up?"

Our society puts tremendous pressure on the home; and individuals and families feel these pressures. Today we are geared to think that within the first 5 years of marriage that we have to have every thing that our parents have or even more. FINANCIAL TENSIONS put extra tension on marital relationships that lead to many break ups. Tempers flare more easily when bills mount. Tax increases and rising inflation bring despair and added stress. Throwing in the towel and starting over are tempting for many, but never offer a solution but only compound the problem.

The PROMISCUOUS SOCIETY in which we live today adds extra pressure to the marriage. The TV, newspaper, magazine, and music, every form of media, shows an acceptance of moral decadence. Pre-marital, Extra-marital sex and all kinds of sexual perversion are accepted, even glorified. Many people get drawn in and accept this attitude or even welcome the "freer views" of morality. Certain psychologist/psychiatrists will advise their patients to express their personality in these ways. These ungodly ideas have brought about even more pressure on today's marriage

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The Bible tells us the last days will be noted by those who are "trucebreakers" (II Tim. 3:3). Years ago when someone gave their word, it was as good as gold. Today it is not so. Society is filled with trucebreakers, i.e., people with lack of commitment. LACK OF COMMITMENT is another pressure on marriages today. The scripture tells us that marriage is to be filled with permanence, Mark 10:9 "What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Obviously, from the ever-increasing divorce rate, others do not take their vows or promises of love seriously.

PERSONAL SELFISHNESS is yet another pressure marriage can do without. "I WANT" seems to be a key word in the destruction of a marriage. Marriage is seen from the perspective of what I can get rather than from the correct view of what I can give. Marriage that is seen only as a means of "self-gratification" is doomed to failure.
Today many books have been written about the "MID-LIFE CRISIS" The public have bought on to the idea that we are to live a loose and reckless life during our mid-life years, thus justifying their immorality. This is just one more turn on the thumbscrews of marriage.

The ACCEPTANCE OF SOCIETY'S UNBIBLICAL VIEW OF MARRIAGE has laid another burden upon the backs of those who believe in Biblical Marriage. Living together, common law marriages, just plain "shackin-up" is commonly accepted and even encouraged. One "so called minister" in Port Clinton, Ohio encourages people to live together before marriage to see if they will like it. This is nothing but SIN! And of course if it doesn't work, well we can just get a divorce, is the attitude of many. The bottom line is, that there are a lot more pressures on marriages today than that of 50 years ago.
Given the increasing pressures on marriage and the home, it is important that we understand what the Bible says about marriage. Just what does the Bible teach about marriage? Gen. 2:24-25 state: "And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. [24] Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. [25] And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." Here we find that the scripture speaks of "one flesh", an idea that certainly speaks of permanence, unity of purpose, closeness, fellowship, oneness and fidelity.
In Eph. 5:22-23 we find the Apostle Paul speaking of certain responsibilities that each partner of the marriage has. A loving husband makes it easy for a wife to submit to his God-ordained leadership in the home, even as a submissive, loving wife who respects her husband will call forth his love. There are three things that are needed to in order to fulfill our marital responsibilities (1) It involves "SACRIFICE". Marriage involves sacrifice, even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. (Eph. 5:25). (2) It also involves the attitude of "PERMANENCE" The husband and wife should always give their spouse the comfort and assurance of always being there for them. Marriage involves closeness and permanence of relationship, as again suggested by "one flesh". (3) It is also our responsibility to grant "MUTUAL CARE" to our spouse. Marriage involves mutual loving and helping and building up- care and nurture of the partnership. Please read I Peter 3:7-10; I Cor. 7:2-5. Sacrifice, the Attitude of Permanence, and Mutual Care ARE MARITAL RESPONSIBILITIES.

We have understood something of what God intends marriage to be. We have also seen some of the pressures that work against God's good purpose for marriage. But the bottom line is that there is really only one "BASIC CAUSE" of marital disunion. The Bible describes it as the "Sinful Nature" that each of us has from birth. The Bible speaks of these "works of the flesh" in Galatians 5:19-21", "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, [20] Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, [21] Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God." If you will notice in the above passage of Scripture, Adultery (Sexual Immorality), Fornication "Sexual impurity", uncleanness (is in reference to "seduction from allegiance or duty, from virtue or morality") Idolatry, (putting things and relationships before God." Witchcraft (involves infidelity to all that is sacred.) Hatred, Variance (discord), Emulations (Jealousy), Wrath (fits of rage), Strife, Seditions, Heresies, Envyings, Murders, Drunkenness, revellings are all the "works of the flesh [sinful nature]." All of these can take place in the home and in the marriage. Not only do these deeds ruin a marriage, but they also bring an eternal judgment, separation and punishment from God. vs.21.

But Good news is found in the next two verses: Galatians 5:22-23
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, [23] Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law." This passage describes what makes life worthwhile and pleasing to God and to us. (Although the immediate context of this Scripture portion is not marriage, it certainly applies). These qualities would make marriage a wonderful experience, even as God intends. There is no limit to this kind of positive expression in relationships. Please note this "fruit", this cluster of goodness, is not produced by man, but by the Spirit of God, (Vs. 22). As we read Gal. 5:24-25 we find that it is through trusting Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord that makes the fruit possible. It is only accomplished through walking in the Spirit.

The solution for all marital problems is in the understanding how Christ can deliver us from the deeds of the sinful nature and give us the fruit of the Spirit of God. The first step is trusting Christ as Savior. Lasting victory over the deeds of the flesh can never be accomplished outside of the saving Grace of God. If you never have been saved, TRUST CHRIST TODAY! If you are unsure what you must do to be saved please read the cover article "YOU CAN BE SAVED AND KNOW IT". When we trust Jesus Christ, and are saved, He forgives our sins and gives us His Holy Spirit in order that we can live as He wants. Through the Holy Spirit, the fruit of the Spirit is made available. As the fruit of the Spirit is manifested in the individual's lives, wounds are healed, marriages are mended, and homes turn heavenly. The fact of the matter is, Marriages break up, because people are not right with God. Let's do all we can to make our marriages last, you'll be glad you did!

Pastor Rick Bickelhaupt